Wednesday, January 28, 2009

startin '09 with me, myself, and i

Que onda mundo? It's been a minute since I last blogged for public viewing. It's the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Thought this might call for a new blog. Besides, I added it on my NY resolutions list to blog again ;) On that note, anyone know how to transfer my xanga archives to blogger?

My first few blogs are going to focus on me... why? Because right now... it's all about loving me time... no, not like that... okay, maybe a little bit of that too ;) So many changes have occurred within the past year and a half since finishing undergrad. Post-college crisis aside, I've changed and grown tremendously as a person. I couldn't keep up with the changes when it was happening, but damn have I learned from it all. Wasn't the learning and finding yourself part supposed to happen during my college years? College was a wonderful experience, but when it comes down it to, you're stuck in a utopian bubble of academics, messing around, goodtimes, good memories, yet no real time to reflect on yourself or life in general, no time to think about your needs, no time to make sense of the world as a whole, no real responsibilites, and no real accountability if you mess up... then you're spit out like an overly chewed Big Red. My gum has already landed, been stepped all over, been stuck on people's dirty shoes, and left to decompose into the dirt where a flower is now sprouting. That's where I'm at...

I've been humbled by 2008... I think 2008 will rival with 1994 and 1999 as the most life altering, painful years of my life. My life is an economic trend... dipping into recession from time to time... but always recovering stronger, smarter, and better in the end. Of course, those years have also shaped me into the awesome person I am, but damn... why does it always gotta be learned the hard way? I think the most important thing I've taken away from last year is changing my general outlook on my own life and letting go of shit that just didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things... something I wish I could have learned long ago. I'm good at spreading positivity for others, but when I would reflect on my own life, all I saw were gray skies with small beams of sunshine creeping through from time to time. I rarely allowed myself to embrace the moment, and simply be content with the lovely CA weather, the beautiful sunrise, my good health, the smell of food cooking on the stove paired with good wine, the beautiful people I had in my life and the new people I met, the job I had, the opportunities I'd been given, all the hard work I'd put into my life starting to really shine... something always had to be wrong because my imperfect past had to mirror the present. Yes, bad things occurred in my past... some things I still have yet to tell a soul... but why should it continue to haunt my life now? In the past five years, nothing terrible has happened to me so why am I still dragging my feet?

I have a particular charm with people. I get along with anyone I meet. I change people's lives by pushing them to think outside the box, and try to get them to see the world in a different light. I unintentionally break the boundaries of what it means to be a woman, Vietnamese-American, an athlete, a graduate from a well-respected university, a lesbian, a musician, a sommelier, a person who grew up in a lower middle class, and much more... I am incredibly loving, genuinely caring, and real. I talk to and treat everyone with the same respect, no matter who you are or where you come from. I'm passionate about people, about my communities, about the world, about love and being in love. I'm curious about everything and everyone... My passion about the things I love are obvious and contagious. Everyone is special in their own ways... and these are the things that make me stand out from others... so I've finally started to treat myself the way I deserve. I'm taking care of my body, mind, and soul... I make time to cook for myself, workout just enough to see definition in my abs and hip flexors (because that's all I really want in life...), read books and keep up with current events, spend time with friends and family, play the guitar, find new dope beats, and good eats and wine. I cry, write, or speak when my heart needs to. I allow myself days to be on the downside instead of pretending like those days don't exist for everyone.

Okay, dinner time... be back later tonight...

I'm back... this blog wasn't supposed to be an ode to me... but then again, why not? This is exactly what I need right now... writing is tremendously therapeutic and the best way of making sense of the world and oneself. There really is no replacement... well, whoever ends up landing on my page has sure learned way more about me than I let most understand or know... I want to be as honest and true to the world as I am to myself... but that doesn't mean I won't still keep my own personal, private blog ;)

I'll end on this quote I read the other day that really struck a chord with me...
it pretty much sums up what I've made my life out to be:

"Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Kiss slowly.
Play hard.
Forgive quickly.
Take chances.
Give everything.
Have no regrets.
Life is too short to be anything
but satisfied or happy."

Here, I snapped a shot of myself so I will forever remember that '09 is where it began...


Okay, not lookin so hot at 2am... but hey, i'm happy and you can't take that away from me ;)

Buenas nochas mundo...